To start off I have to say I I have written and rewritten, deleted and started over on this just to try to word everything the way I feel. I have changed the name and the the way I start. So here goes...
In the last month I have found out more about myself then I ever really knew. In the last year I have found out more as well but all came to a head when I met a person (a total stranger, who I yet to see again) who put me at peace and helped me on such a deep personal level.
I have gone thru life and relationships thinking I was always the problem and I just was never quiet good enough. I met a person who filled me in on information about a couple where the girl left the guy due to physical and emotional abuse. And, the town and people questioned her due to the fact that he put on a perfect picture. When hearing this story I found that I was directly related to the situation. And for the first time in I would say 7 years I found out that it wasn't my fault!! I have always just assumed that I was the problem but to hear that it happened after me, as much as I feel bad that someone else had to go thru that pain...I am dementedly happy.
I sat down and talked to my husband about this and found out the I have still even being married had a wall because of that fear of not being good enough. He helped me to understand that I was and am a good companion. Some people just don't treat or let the other one know. So without getting to emotional and detailed. I want to say thank you to this stranger I met who will never know the peace that they gave me. I also want to say thank you and I love you to my husband who always knew what the problem was and loved me even with my mistakes and the fact that I fought and never understood that "Damn It I am Good Enough"
It is so refreshing to be at peace and to finally understand why I feel and did some of the things I did!!
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